From Resentment to Freedom: choose an uncommon response

Turn Resentment into Empowerment: Find Freedom in the Uncommon Response

Imagine being a restaurant server with a new rule from management: every server must smile at least once at every guest, or they’re out of a job. The servers, feeling coerced, respond as expected—many put on forced, unpleasant smiles, creating a stifling and resentful atmosphere. Yet, one server takes a different approach. She chooses to keep smiling beyond the required one smile. She turns her smile from obligation to choice. Instead of succumbing to resentment, she taps into joy. In choosing the uncommon response, she finds the freedom of her own empowerment.

In his book Discover the Power Within You, Eric Butterworth shares the server's story - how a shift in perspective can help us to reclaim joy and freedom, even in frustrating circumstances.

The Power of Choice in a Restrictive Situation

In life, we often find ourselves in situations where we’re asked, or even required, to do things that may feel pointless or even oppressive. In these moments, it’s natural to feel resentment.

That resentment can make any task feel like a burden. But by choosing to give

more freely—like the server did—we can unlock a sense of freedom and purpose.

Overcoming the Resentment Loop

Resentment is essentially resistance. When we resist our circumstances, we cut off our access to our inner peace. This principle is similar to Ohm’s Law, which shows that the higher the resistance, the less current can flow. Imagine a hose with a kink: the flow of water is stifled until the kink is removed. In life, our resistance is like that kink, restricting our ability to experience ease and enjoyment.

When faced with frustrating obligations, we can choose to notice our resistance and respond differently. Instead of begrudgingly cleaning up after Thanksgiving dinner or complying with family duties out of obligation, we can choose an uncommon response. By embracing the experience fully—whether it’s cleaning, hosting, or smiling—we can remove the “kink” of resentment and let joy flow.

Choose an Empowered Response

How do you act when someone is grumpy towards you? My instinctive tendency is to be resentful and judgmental. In the face of someone’s bad mood, my speech and approach can become less warm and friendly than normal. The end effect is that instead of ONE person being miserable (the other person), there are now TWO people who are miserable (the other AND ME!)

I can choose a more powerful response: I can be me. In “Discover the Power Within You”, Eric Butterworth tells a story about a Quaker who was friendly to an unfriendly newspaper vendor. When asked why he was polite to someone who was always unpleasant, the Quaker replied, “Why should I let him determine how I am going to act?” I read this story many years ago and I’ve never forgotten it, perhaps because it was the first time the idea of not giving away my power was so well explained. Now I try to respond and act according to my values, regardless of the provocation. It’s not always easy, but it’s definitely more rewarding for me. And more powerful.

Likewise, Jesus’s words, “If someone compels you to go one mile, go with him two,” show us that going beyond what’s required is an act of empowerment. It’s a way of reclaiming control over our response and turning a potentially disempowering experience into one of strength and autonomy.

Practical Steps for Choosing Empowerment

• Notice Resistance: Pay attention to when you feel frustrated or powerless. This awareness is your first step toward change. The more you resist, the less effective you’ll be.

• Shift Perspective: Reframe obligations: instead of duty, see them as opportunities to give. If you’re going to do something anyway, you may as well enjoy it and claim your power.

• Let Go of Resistance: Just as releasing a kink allows water to flow, releasing resentment opens the door to joy and calm.

Watch Rhona’s talk “Power and Poise”